The Whistler (website)/August 1999

August, 1999

Mystery Taggers Hit Hidden Hallway!
by Rockett Movado

Two amazing discoveries awaited teachers at Whistling Pines Junior High last week. While in the middle of a pre-school faculty conference, they were interrupted by custodial worker Ben Sweeper. It seems that Ben -- who knows the ins and outs of the WPJH campus better than anyone -- discovered an intruder deep inside the hallowed hallways.

"Lotsa folks don't know this," said Sweeper, "But there is a maze of narrow hallways running off the school basement. Some creative critter with a spray can obviously discovered this over the summer. Now it looks like a carnival ride down there..."

Faculty members immediately trooped downstairs to have a look at the artistic vandalism. What they found was a single 20-foot mural, in full color, covering the left wall and most of the ceiling.

"Well, I'll be," remarked Coach Lutzi. "Who'd a thought this place existed?"

"It looks like one of those charming chapels I visited while deep in the heart of romantic Italia," commented Penelope Tinydahl. "How very romantic it would be by candlelight!"

"If I'd known you'd carry on about garbage like this," cracked cafeteria manager Bill Pill, "I'd have been slinging my meatloaf and tomato gravy down here for the last ten years!"

City police were brought in to photograph and fingerprint the mural. The initial reaction was to return the hall to it's previous gray-green hue -- but after some discussion, officials decided to delay painting until a meeting of the School Committee could take place.

"This is the creation of a very talented individual, someone capable of classic training and a great career in the arts," warned art instructor Christophe Rarebit. "To destroy it might crush the fragile bloom of inspiration before it has a chance to flower. It could permanently destroy their confidence."

School principal Ramona Herrerra seemed less certain. In a statement to local press she said, "I am not convinced this is the work of a single person. It may have been a group effort by some local tagger gang. Hopefully, we will find enough fingerprints to prove how many people were involved. As for the work itself....while I do not condone vandalism in any form, we have still to decide whether this merits special consideration. That is all."

Students -- who quickly got word of the discovery -- seemed mostly supportive of the mystery muralists.

"Hey, whoever they are, they sure know Whistling Pines!" said eighth-grader Cleve Goodstaff. " I recognize a LOT of people in this painting!"

"I think it's just awesome," commented girl musician Arrow Mayfield. "Doing it in the first place may have been wrong, but aren't the results worth preserving anyway? I mean, it IS art..."

"Man, you could totally charge people money to see this!" said Max Diamond. "Some smart guy could make himself a nice little chunk of change. Not me, of course...that would be wrong...yeah..."

As for this reporter, she admits to a secret admiration for the nameless spray-can geniuses who turned a secret hallway into a world of wonder.

Bugs Begone!
By Mr. Shuliss, WPJH Science Teacher

Students, I am here to tell you that there is no need for alarm! The recent appearance of a rare beetle species, Lockerus Bugores, is nothing to perspire about. It is also no excuse for forgetting your homework, leaving your books at home or ignoring the terrible smells coming out of certain lockers (Mr. Weevil, you KNOW what I'm talking about!).

Rumors have been flying (no pun intended!) that these winged freaks from the insect world are actually ALIEN in origin! Nothing could be further from the truth. It IS true that we were unable to dissect the specimen we captured in the cafeteria's jello mold -- but I am sure that is because both the dissection knife and the diamond-tipped drill head were dull from improper use. My personal theory is that these insects have certain trace metals in their outer carapace...and it prevents us from cutting through them, much like a coat of armor. This would explain why beetles have been attracted to school lockers, as if they were being pulled by a magnetic force! At least I am sure that is why...as I hope to prove in my next scientific white paper.

No, no, there is nothing of alien origin here. True, I have never seen bugs that glow in the dark before! But that does not mean they are not some rare and exotic subspecies that found their way to Whistling Pines through, perhaps, a delivery of tropical fruit soap for the faculty...or via one of Ms. Tinydahl's steamer trunks from her last trek across Malaysia. I beg of you, students, do NOT allow certain wild-eyed theories from amateur biologists (A.Z. for one!) cause PANIC in the halls.

I have every reason to expect that the strange bugs have an extremely short life span. No nests or young beetles have been seen anywhere, so I believe that conditions are not right for breeding. This means that, with any luck, these pulp-eating pests will begin to disappear from Whistling Pines very soon! In fact, I haven't seen a single Lockerus Bugores in the last two or three days!! You may count on it, students...These bugs are history. End Of Story!

Students Defend Trees
Last Saturday a group of students from Whistling Pines joined other community youths to defend an historic stand of trees in Jillian P. Peppersnuff Grove. The trees, slated to be logged and shipped by Slackwood Lumber, are the last of a rare species of pine -- called, not surprisingly -- Whistler Pines. Their name comes from the low singing noise created whenever a wind blows through the bottlebrush needles. Sixteen girls and boys tied themselves to the trees with ropes and chains. Despite warnings from the lumber company, sheriff's deputies and even the mayor's office, they refused to budge. Even a wet and very windy Saturday night storm did not dismay these loyal arborists from standing their (muddy) ground.

WPJH protester Wolf DuBois explained, "The forests of this world are our lungs. They supply oxygen so we can breathe. They provide shelter, food, medicine, dyes, decorations -- for both humans and animals -- as well as being some of the most beautiful creations in nature. We don't need more fast food stands, parking lots or souvenir shops! What we need are trees! Don't you get it? Once THEY'RE gone, WE'RE gone!!" DuBois was referring to the town council's plan to remove the trees and set up a small tourist complex at the entrance to Peppersnuff Grove.

Councilman M.T. Header had a different opinion: "Every year 15,000 tourists visit Peppersnuff Grove. They amble down the shady trails, hike up to the waterfall, picnic among the trees. They bring in a lot of revenue for this town, incuding funds to preserve the REST of the trees and creatures in the grove area. And they need facilities! Kids just don't understand complex situations like this."

Maybe not, but apparently Mayor Walter Fisby does, as well as angry phone calls from the Environmental Preservation Party in Washington, D.C. He called off the logging last Tuesday.

(Thanks to Reporter Butty for this idea!)

[Pages 3 through 5 lost]

The Knot Hole
The place to come for bits of gossip, special ads, and notes to readers....

If you like horseback riding or horses, then join my club called The Saddle Up Girls. The first five people to join will get a treasure (as you appear on my mailbox list!) --SaddleupGril

I'm starting a club called GWTAL (Girls Who Travel A Lot. Tell me what countries or places you are interested in. Then I will hook you up with some one else who's curious about the same places as you. Also, if you have questions about Europe, ask me, because I've been there a lot. When you join I'll send you a Treasure. -- Angelbaby243

I think it would be great for all the latino girls here at Purple Moon got together and talked about our heritage, role models and culture. Please send me a postcard if you like this idea! Muchas besas! --MiMiChiCa

I just wanted to say listen to Purple Moon and don't send chainletters. Some people may think this stuff about good luck and bad luck is true. (Which it's NOT --Ed.) Also, my cousin entered a rare treasure contest and won 2nd place, but she did not get the treasure back like she was promised. And it was my rare treasure, which you can't find amymore because I've been here a long time. So if you get a postcard about rare treasure contests, I say don't enter them because you might not get your treasure back! -- Dragn

(P.S. If we hear of anyone running a rare treasure contest, who does not return th

e treasures as promised, that person will be LOCKED out of the web site and LOSE those treasures! -- Purple Moon)

A girl and her parents are sewing a youth soccer association because two girls tried out for a boy's team and a girl's team. They made both teams, but the soccer association wants them to play for the girl's team because if they play for the boy's team, two boys wouldn't be able to play. And the girl's team could use some players. What's your opinion? --Tar13

Girls I need MAJOR help! I want to start a joke page, but I don't know that many jokes! I need you to send me LOTS of jokes. Help, me PLEASE!!!!! -- Beaglekid

I'm starting a Magazine! It's called the Pot o' Chilli, and It will be sent out every week, starting August 1st. It will have several topics, and a chance to write in with your opinion on the topic of the week. If you wish to subscribe, write me. --TheRouge

We've got a great club called GAL (Girls Awesome Life). We talk about good life, dreams, problems, and guys! We also include a newsletter every 2 weeks! Please write to Faithestone or Teenheart to join!

My club will send out postcards with a craft described. All you have to do is send me a postcard with the phrase "Take me to Craftland" and I'll send you my trial craft! If you like the craft, send me another postcard (with the same phrase) to subscribe. Questions? Just ask! -- Steph20001 and CraftUniverse

If you like soccer, this is the club for you. We will talk about soccer. You will get a newsletter that talks about soccer. We will also trade treasures of soccer stuff. There will be contests to see who has the best soccer treasure. If you want to join just send a postcard to SoccerU14.

Are you a girl who is 9 to 12? Do you love to make friends? Do you love to play games, get lots of postcards, and help others? Well, this is the club for you! Join the International Circle of Friends, a club that helps others and makes friends while doing it. --Mial727

In my Bakery Club you will get to swap your recipes with other people! If you'd like to join, send me a postcard. --leggs88

I'm starting a club for people who like collecting things and animal lovers! You will get tips and can ask me questions about collecting and how to take good care of animals. One free treasure if you join (while supplies last!), so hurry and write to me! --POG99

Do you like to read? Then this club is for you. Once every two weeks we will have a special assignment to read a certain book. Then after we've finished reading that book we'll discuss different things in the story. Space is limited, so write soon! --wertyu456

I am making a club for people who love enchantment, magic, mythical creatures, and most of all, fairies! Anyone is welcome to join and we won't have to meet anywhere. It will be fun, I assure you! --Dominique07