The Whistler (website)/February 1998

Candy Heart Edition

February [20th], 1998

Groundhogs Invade Whistling Pines
A growing groundhog infestation continues to confound school officials at Whistling Pines Junior High. The pests were released early this month as part of Mayor Maslow's Groundhog Day initiative to introduce the ruthless rodents back into local woodlands. It seems the burrowing beasts were not content staying in the tranquil forest, as they have been turning up in every nook and cranny of the school campus.

Student Nicole Whittaker was one of the first to sight one of the wily woodchucks.

"I was standing next to my locker, making sure my makeup was still perfect -- which it was, of course -- when one of those icky things appeared out of nowhere and started sniffing my feet!"

WPJH science teacher Mr. Shuliss said he is not surprised to see the voracious varmints venture from their intended habitat.

"Arctomys monax is well known to forage over a wide area during this time of year." Mr. Shuliss said. "They are just emerging from their hibernation and are likely looking for a little breakfast."

In an interview with The Whistler, Principal Herrera said she is open to any and all suggestions as to how to deal with this crisis.

Don't Forget! SCHOOL ELECTIONS ARE COMING NEXT MONTH! Vote for a person, vote for a party, vote for a friend -- but VOTE!

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